One of the things that I really hate is not knowing what is coming next. I hate it. I want to know what’s going to happen in the next five minutes, five days and where I’m going to be in five years. Some of it is I think a desire for rootedness, I want to dig into my community and stay there, with fixed routines and and give and take of learning, teaching and doing that while varied is fairly routine.
That’s not the life I have. Sure there are some things we do every week (church, weekly open house supper and so on) but we’re not really rooted in a community. We have a church in our geography that we attend but some things about it aren’t really what we’re looking for, and we live here but the chances that we’ll outgrow this house are fairly high ( I mean at some point we’ll have to go from a children’s bedroom to boys and girl(s) and I REALLY don’t want to give up my office.
For the past several years I’ve been praying that God would just give us a place we could be and be used, without being involved in strife (very difficult as S and I love to debate) and without moving. When we left our old place and came here I thought perhaps we would be settling, yet this week when an acquaintance asked me? if we’d found a church home yet I had to say “We’re at such and such a church for now, but whether that will be true in six months I don’t know.”
I’m coming to see this as an area for growth though. God knows, much as I love routine it tends to be become the most important thing? in my life, and in that respect it’s not good for me. As I keep listening to Third World Symphony I keep being struck by the song Enough which is taken from Proverbs 30:7-9.
Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
8 Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
9 lest I be full and deny you
and say, ?Who is the Lord??
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God. (ESV)
What is daily bread? What is enough? Shouldn’t I be able to be content with being in a place for six months and trust the Lord to make clear the next step? I think so, but my faith is weak.